Go home

My host did not address me with any other words, but the feelings I received from him did not encourage me to ask him any more questions.

At least he wasn't screaming. I should have been pleased with this progress compared to my previous host. But the briefing I had received prompted me instead to consider this as a new form of inconvenience, much more subtle. I had been warned that humans, due to their vastly superior intelligence compared to Hork-Bajirs, did not resist in the same way.

Where the Hork-Bajirs were content to fight us constantly, the humans learned after a few weeks that it was pointless and that it was more effective to gather their forces for days in order to launch surprise attacks at the right moment. With this strategy, the humans sometimes managed to regain control for a few seconds and inflict a lot of pain on their Yeerk. Controlling a human requires less energy than controlling a Hork-Bajir, but it is much more stressful because you never know when the human will attack. You must constantly be on guard and ready to retaliate so that other humans do not notice anything. The secret is considered so crucial that any breach against it (even unintentional) is punishable by death.

In return, humans were much easier to train than other species (this was one of the reasons that made them so attractive to the Yeerks). After various trials, the Yeerks had found that humans had an extremely strong protective instinct towards their children (and before sexual maturation, towards their parents). The empire therefore recommended making them relive false memories in loops where they killed their children or parents to make them obedient. According to discussions I had heard between other Yeerks in the pool, it was a very effective technique, but I suspected that my mental illness would make me feel a lot of guilt if I used it. I would therefore have to invent a new method to tame Tom.

According to the reports that had been provided to me about my new host, Tom had not yet completed his sexual maturation and consequently his schedule was very constrained by his parents. He had to spend several hours every day in a large breeding center called high school, be home with his parents before dinner, and inform them of his whereabouts outside of those periods. To be sure not to miss this dinner time, I would probably have to go directly to his parents' house. However, I did not know which path to take for that.

In anticipation of my new assignment, I had reviewed city maps and noted some important addresses, but with its wonderful senses, everything was so different. In fact, I realized with concern that I wouldn't even be able to find the entrance to the pool on my own. No matter how hard I racked my brain, I had no choice but to search Tom's mind.

(Tom. I don't want to any more than you do, but I'm going to need to view your memories)

He said nothing, but felt a great deal of fear and anger. Faced with his silence, I took the time to read his mind to understand the reason for his feelings. I had barely begun to skim his thoughts when I screamed:

(No, it's not a punishment. I would never hurt you just because you insulted me). I didn't specify that I would probably never hurt him no matter what he did, because I wanted him to keep fearing me. All the manuals said that hosts should have a little fear for their Yeerk.

But I could tell that he didn't believe me. His thoughts were those of prey caught in a trap waiting for its execution. I repeated to him for a long time to calm down and that I wouldn't do anything to him, but it was practically without effect. I finally resigned myself to committing the unthinkable. Red with shame (despite the fact that no Yeerk could see me), I started humming the lullaby that the sergeant in charge of my batch would sing to us to put us to sleep when I was a very small larva.

In the natural state, we do not have the sense of hearing and even less the ability to emit sounds. We could only send basic vibrations through the water by moving our bodies. It was not exactly a lullaby. It was a set of sensations and emotions emitted at a certain rhythm. In the pool, his emotions were transmitted by touch and accompanied by comforting words conveyed by pheromones. I strove to translate it as best as possible into a melody and activation of human feelings and sensations in a certain rhythm.

Very quickly, Tom relaxed and felt pleasure in experiencing the lullaby. But he almost immediately felt a strong disgust with himself. I took the gentlest way I could to tell him:

Tom, there is no need to be ashamed. A prisoner can enjoy the food he is given without necessarily liking being locked up.

He remained silent, but I saw that I had said the right thing. He felt much less shame about what had just happened. He finally spoke with a lot of fear.

If you think a few caresses are enough to win me over, you're wrong. I would never be your slave.

(I had more or less understood that. But I don't understand why. It would be much more pleasant for both of us.)

Well, come on. I don't know. Because I'm not a fucking traitor. Because I'm not a dog that can be bought by giving it a bone to chew on. Because I'm not going to help you enslave my family.

I cut him off:

(What is a dog?)

My question caused a slight smile from him.

(Without wanting to offend you, you don't seem very qualified for the position). Tom replied after a moment.

(That's why I need to visualize your memories. I need to know how to behave and everything a normal human knows. Believe me, I don't want to either, but it's just a bad moment to get through).

A silence followed. I gave him all the time he needed and refrained from delving too deeply into his thoughts. In any case, I had been still for too long. I decided to start walking aimlessly to appear less suspicious. I could no longer focus on how his thoughts were evolving.

Finally, he said:

Are you asking for my permission?

(Yes)

(Why?)

He annoyed me by nitpicking like that and asking me for justifications for everything. I replied mechanically:

I don't know.

(So if I summarize, you're asking me to allow you free access to my memories in order to help your species turn humans into slaves without them noticing anything. Why would I say yes?)

I stopped again and explained:

(I hadn't thought about it that way. Honestly, I have no idea. In fact, I just thought that since I'm going to end up looking at your memories by force anyway, it would be more pleasant for both of us if you cooperated.)

"You know what, go to hell," he spat at me.

He curled up again, ready to receive pain. I sighed loudly and continued in a soft voice:

Can you at least tell me which way I should take to go to your parents' house?

He reassured himself that I still wasn't going to punish him, but silently prepared for a painful and humiliating search of his memories (I didn't yet understand how it could be humiliating for someone to see all your memories). But despite himself, he couldn't help thinking of the answer and by focusing on intercepting all his thoughts, I was able to obtain the information I wanted.

(I would try to make do with it. But I want to emphasize that it doesn't help much not to answer my questions).